A Letter and A Phone Call
by ThisIsHeavy
Summary: An alternate take on why Arizona came back from Malawi and what happened next.
1. Deviance

**AN:** This fic takes place just after the airport breakup so I guess at this point it should be considered AU

* * *

><p>She stared blankly into the massive crowd ahead of her; Arizona hadn't thought this many people would show up. There must have been 100 of them. Yes, definitely at least 100 reporters, and twice as many cameras. She couldn't get away from the flashing; it was nonstop flashing in every direction she turned. Straight ahead of her was a large boom stick hovering just above her head. The runty little man running the boom stick had quick feet too because no matter what evasive maneuver she tried, he always seemed to keep up. They didn't even have the decency to prep her for this or give her a team. To say Arizona was angry would have been an understatement. At first all the pestering just slurred together into one massive blur of nonsensical utterances. Then she started to distinguish little things like her name and Carter-Madison.<p>

"Dr. Robins! Dr. Robins!" It could have been anybody really their voices and faces were indistinguishable and unimportant.

"Dr. Robins can you tell us where you stand with the Carter-Madison Foundation? Are they still acknowledging you as an award recipient?"

She'd been given a script to memorize; it had a list of possible questions along with Carter-Madison's suggested answers. She'd spent the past two days sitting in a rather unfriendly hotel room in the ugliest part of Paris, thumbing through her contacts list and reading that script. Arizona knew it by heart now, she could read it to you backwards and forwards.

"No comment." She murmured dissatisfied with the taste of those words as they rolled off her tongue.

"Dr. Robins, can you explain some of the elements that lead to this decision?" Another reporter shouted out as he shoved his microphone toward her lips. She had the shove the mic right back at him, but there were procedures to follow.

"I think the Carter-Madison Foundation does great work on behalf of children and I was very eager to be a part of that work when they selected me as an award recipient. The political environment in Malawi has not allowed us to continue our collaborative efforts there, but we will be looking toward other alternatives."

That answer stirred the crowd a bit, there was a rush of silence as they all chewed on her words, trying to interpret them for hidden meaning. In this brief pause she was able to navigate the crowd just a little easier. She still couldn't see where the car was, and, at this rate she figured she'd be so late getting to Charles de Gaul, she'd have to book another flight. She wanted to go to Malawi and save lives, to see that turned into a major international incident was both crushing and insulting. Despite her hurt feelings she did everything she could to keep a smile on her face. She wasn't about to appear weak in front of hundreds of cameras, her father taught her better.

The reporters were slamming in to her now without regard for her physical condition or well being. Each one was jumping over the other trying to get a word in.

"What exactly led the foundation to pull out of the program in Malawi?"

Arizona thought back to the letter she'd received two weeks in to the program. It was sealed in red candle wax with the official government seal of Malawi. Arizona took extra precision to remove the seal delicately from the envelope so that it was preserved for scrapbooking. Everyone at the clinic heard about the letter and gathered around to hear what it said. They thought it would be an official commendation from the president in recognition of her three year commitment to serve the country's children. It didn't take long after she started reading for everyone to realize it was quite the opposite.

_Dear Ms. Robins,_

_The Office of the secretary of homeland affairs whishes to inform you of several issues which have just recently come to our attention. We were informed of your participation in deviant and subversive acts which have the potential to cause harm to the national security of The Republic of Malawi._

_As such we cannot allow that impressionable Malawian children be placed under your care as is prohibited by amendment 14 article five of the national constitution. Further, we suggest that you be in contact with your agency to provide you with a method of return to the United States. If we have not been informed of your planned return within seven days of the receipt of this letter, a motion will be filed in the federal court seeking prosecution. We do wish to avoid this, and urge you to be in contact at the earliest convenience_

_Signed_

_Joseph Ibris,_

_Secretary, Homeland Affairs_

_Republic of Malawi_

By the time she was done reading, only those too young to understand or too sick to leave remained in the room. She could have told the reporters about that, it would have been truthful, but what good would the truth do anyone right now.

"No comment" Arizona insisted as she forged her way further through the crowd.

She thought a lot about her father after she got that letter. She thought about how he'd respond and what he'd want her to be doing. She wanted to fight for her right to be there, but she could hear her father's foreboding voice warning her not to let selfishness get in the way of the right thing. It wouldn't be right to subject sick children to political scrutiny just so she could prove a point.

As she pressed forward it became increasingly clearer to Arizona that the crowd wasn't going to break for her they'd circled in around her like a well choreographed defensive maneuver; it was guerilla interviewing at its best. One reporter was kind enough to pass a coffee along to her as they were now meandering in a snake like pattern down a Parisian sidewalk. Her face lit up at the gesture, this time with genuine perkiness, as she tucked a loose curl of hair away from her face.

"But Dr. Robbins, how did this progress so quickly? Were there any efforts made by the Carter-Madison foundation to negotiate on your behalf?"

It sounded so reasonable the way the reporter had suggested it, so reasonable because Arizona had expected that very thing, counted on it even. She was sure that once the board members heard about it they would do whatever it took to clear things up with the Malawian government. That couldn't have been further from the truth.

The day after the letter arrived Arizona sat in the office where she'd been sequestered all day for safety reasons, as she was told. She wondered what sort of safety reasons they were referring to. Was it her own personal safety, or the safety of others? Did she or they need protection from the mess outside, or did they all need to be protected from her? It was quiet in that office, the walls stunk mold and rotting building materials. The only noise came from a buzzing fly the size of her thumb. It was hideously creepy, but out of loneliness she attempted to forge a friendship with the fly. She named it Brad and asked him to land somewhere for a while so she could observe him. Surprisingly he complied, probably purely out of coincidence, but Arizona didn't care. She'd taken a pen from her pocket and drawn out a Punnet square on a napkin. Only geeks practice genetics for fun, but what else was she going to do. She'd drawn out all possible phenotypic representations for eye color and was moving on to other traits when the door suddenly and swiftly flew open. Out flew Brad and in came an orderly with a phone.

"My name is Charles ma'am, I've been instructed to deliver this phone call to you." The orderly spoke gently in a blend tone comprised of French, Dutch, and Native accents.

Charles shut the door about as quietly as he spoke, Arizona couldn't tell if he was being polite or afraid the gay was contagious. He waited in the corner of the room for her to return the phone to him, clearly she couldn't be trusted with it. She reluctantly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Yes Hi, this is Veronica Lions calling from the Carter-Madison Foundation. Dr. Robbins, is that you?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, who else would it be?

"Yes, it's me."

"Good, I'm glad to hear you're in one piece. We've been very worried." Virginia replied with genuine relief in her tone.

"So, I take it you've been in communication with homeland affairs?" Arizona implored.

"Yes, yes. It's very unfortunate" Virginia crowed.

Arizona didn't like the connotation of the word unfortunate, but she chose to ignore it and press forward with a solution.

"Dr. Robbins" Virginia continued, "We're very sorry to have put you in this impossible situation and please trust that the foundation is doing everything it can to ensure you a safe return."

Arizona paused to catch herself up, she wanted to be sure she'd heard correctly.

"So, wait. You're not even going to try and see if I can stay?"

"Dr. Robbins I know this is hard to hear, but it is in your best interest and that of the children that the operation in Malawi be suspended until political hostilities die down."

Deep down Arizona knew she was right, but it just didn't feel right.

"What about a replacement doctor, someone that could take my place and…"

"Dr. Robbins that simply isn't an option." Virginia cut in. "The foundation selects one recipient annually and we have every intention of retaining you as our recipient."

Arizona was growing frustrated and it didn't help that the heat had suddenly spiked to a temperature befitting the roasting of turkeys. Swaet was drizzling down her face like rain down a window.

"Then I'll decline the award, I'll give it back. We made promises to every family in this community, three years worth of promises."

"Dr. Robbins we cannot send another doctor to fulfill your grant proposal, it's unheard of, and beyond that it would be a PR nightmare!" Virginia came off a bit more harsh than what she intended, but she'd finally gotten through to Arizona.

"Oh, I see. I'll inform homeland affairs of your decision." Arizona calmly said her goodbyes and handed the phone back to Charles.

She so badly wanted to look directly in to the reporter's camera and tell the world that the Carter-Madison foundation judged the potential fallout from taking the grant away from a lesbian or replacing her with a straight doctor as a PR nightmare. She wanted someone else to be as shocked and hurt as she was when she heard it the first time. But, she knew not to put her wants and needs ahead of others, or at least she tried to know it.

"No comment"

She'd finally managed to reach the cab that had been patiently waiting for her the whole time. The driver got out in a hurry and grabbed her bags in an abrasive manner slamming them into the trunk and hurrying Arizona into the back seat as quickly as possible.

"Not to worry madam, I drive like a New Yorker on fire, your flight will be made." His English was perfect, but his provincial accent was unmistakable. It was comforting to Arizona none the less.

One last reporter managed to shove his hand into the door, preventing it from closing.

"What about your love life, we're hearing reports that you'd recently ended a relationship with a fellow doctor to take this grant. Have you been in contact…"

The cabbie shoved the reporter's hand out of the door and slammed it before hopping in the driver's side and taking off like a speed demon plowing through the traffic of people with little to no concern for whether they moved out of the way.

"No comment" Arizona muttered the quiet response to herself.


	2. Mental Images

Arizona couldn't get that last question out of her mind. Even now as she pulled up to the hospital parking lot in the world's smallest rental car, all she'd been doing since the driver pulled away was answering that question in her head. What could she say? Did she have a right to say anything? All of these little words and phrases floating around in her head didn't even feel right. They were just too weak, they meant something, but not enough. She asked herself again, what could she possibly say?

"I love you too"

"I spent every day missing you and feeling like a fool"

"I only wanted you to be happy"

"I can't be happy without you."

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry."

No, those weren't words worth saying. She'd just gotten through an interview full of meaningless words and Arizona wasn't about to start back up with them. She made a commitment to herself not to say anything to anyone if it didn't mean anything ever again. She thought about the look on Callie's face at the airport; the shock, the fear, it stayed with her the entire way to Malawi. Arizona thought she'd get past it once she dove into work, but things with Callie weren't that simple. Callie, she hadn't even said her name aloud since that day at the airport. Honestly, now, being this close to the hospital, was the first time in a while she'd managed to force herself to conjure up the image of Callie in her mind. At night in Malawi she'd catch herself dreaming of Callie and force herself awake by listening to the crickets and mosquitoes chirping and buzzing noisily in the thickets outside their poorly constructed clinic. Callie was not someone she needed to be thinking about, she couldn't fix that situation.

Still, being here, so close to her, made it hard not to think about her bronze colored skin exuding warmth from every pore, or that terribly infectious smile, or her dark brown hair flowing to the middle of her back begging to be stroked. Thinking about all that meant thinking about the last time she'd seen those things, meant thinking about walking away. The way it played in her mind, there didn't seem to be much she could say. Still, as some crude form of entertainment mixed with punishment, she played the conversation in her mind.

"I'm sorry, I love you and I never meant to hurt you" she'd say, only to be followed by "but I did and I never told you, so what does it matter."

Momentarily, she was allowed a break from her thoughts because she needed to sign a new contract with the hospital. She never said a word, she didn't need to ask to know the chief was happy to have her back, the surgical board told her Callie was on-call and not in the hospital at the moment, she didn't need to use words to find answers to any of the questions floating in her mind. Then she found herself wishing the contract had more pages just enough to keep her focused on signing and not thinking about Callie.

But there weren't more pages, and the more she fought it, the more persistent her thoughts were.

[brk]

Callie sat in the middle of an empty living room unpacking boxes she'd just packed only a month earlier. She didn't want to think about how frustrated she was with the whole process and how it came about, she didn't want to think about her feelings because she heard about what happened to Arizona and all she could think about was how hurt she must be. Walking away from a dream was one thing, she knew because she'd done it before and almost did it again. But, being forced to give up on a dream was something she'd never experienced and she'd never wish that on anyone.

She tried not to think of all the possibilities, of Arizona coming back and wanting to just stay apart, maybe someday they'd be friends. She thought about the possibility that Arizona could want to start over, was that even the right thing to do? Given what happened, there was no way Arizona could be in the right frame of mind. No, they needed time, if they were even a possibility they needed time to heal. She caught herself looking at the wall Arizona had convinced her to paint, she was glad they never painted it. It would have just been one more thing Arizona left behind that Callie couldn't avoid. Right now, she found herself wishing a trauma would roll in and her pager would sound; anything to keep from opening another box full of things that didn't belong to her, Arizona didn't belong to her.

[/brk]

She was half way to her clown sized rental car when Arizona felt something firmly yanking at her collar. She whipped around in a panic ready to attack. Not until she realized it was Teddy who'd startled her did Arizona finally relax.

"You're back?" Teddy exclaimed, the excitement visible on her face.

Before Arizona could deliver a proper response Teddy reached her arms around her and pulled her in to a compassionate hug. "I heard what happened, and if you need anything I'm in your corner; we're all…"

Teddy trailed off, realizing that her collective statement was too close to talking about Callie. She was military too so she knew when not to talk about the personal stuff. That didn't change the fact that Arizona could read her facial expression from a mile away. She'd managed to avoid direct eye contact with Richard, but Teddy, Teddy had an a million questions written all over her face. She didn't have to ask them, Arizona had spent many hours contemplating a myriad of questions the minute she was told she had to return from Malawi. What were her colleagues going to think? Was there even a job for her to come back to? Did she really want Callie for the right reasons, or was she just compensating? Did she have a right to want Callie back?

"Hey, do you want to go grab a bite?" Teddy finally pulled herself out of her daze to ask. "You look like you haven't eaten in days."

[brk]

Mark came over to help Callie rearrange the furniture since the movers seemed content to just leave it all slammed up against the wall haphazardly. It seemed though, that Mark's idea of helping was barking directions as Callie did all the manual labor. She was trying hard not to let it show but Callie did feel a twinge of guilt, however small, whenever Mark was around. She didn't feel any guilt related to Arizona, rather, she felt guilty for putting Mark in that position when she knew he'd been struggling too.

"She's going to be at the hospital tomorrow." Mark suddenly blurted out. "Should I be running interference?"

"No Mark, I'm a grown woman I can handle it. Besides I really don't think she's going to be in the mood to talk to anyone, especially me."

Mark's eyes narrowed, he knew better than to question Callie's resolve, even if it was full of false confidence. He turned his attention to the wall cluttered with sloping photographs.

"They're fine Mark" Callie insisted, not wanting to add extra work to her load.

"I don't know, those two on the right don't feel right" He pulled himself up from his seated position on the sofa he'd just moved. "Wait just a minute I think I have a level in my apartment somewhere, I'll be right back."

[/brk]

Arizona was sitting across from Teddy, carefully shoveling down bite after bite of her chicken Cesar salad. She knew Teddy had lured her out as a way of keeping her from looking for Callie. She would have declined but Teddy was right, she really hadn't eaten well in days and she was starving. While she was busy eating Teddy decided to dole out some unsolicited friendly advice.

"You should talk to her; TODAY! And I'm not just saying that because I have a vested interest in seeing you two work it out. Tomorrow, you're going to be busy working and trying to adjust and you're not going to adjust if you have to see her without talking to her first. So, talk to her today!" Teddy finished satisfied that her rant had gotten through to Arizona.

"But not right now" she added. "You're still loopy and stuck on Africa and you'll end up saying something completely crazy like telling her she completes you."

Arizona had finally gotten to the last bite of a seemingly endless bowl of salad. She was so focused on her food; she didn't have the heart to tell Teddy she'd only heard pieces of what was being said. She assumed they were talking about Callie, though Jerry McGuire was also a possibility. It didn't matter though, she already knew she wasn't going to see Callie, not when she still had such raw images fresh in her mind.

"Thank you for the food." Her voice sounded a little weary. Arizona started to say something else, but was interrupted by the sound of her phone. So instead, she made her excuses, gave Teddy a smile and promised to see her at work the next day.

As she sat in the car, her feet cramped up so that her elbows almost touched her knees, Arizona pulled out her phone dreading the conversation that was about to take place.

[break]

That phone call could have gone better, she should have exhibited better self-control. She was capable of better and she hated letting herself down. Maybe Teddy was right, maybe she was still stuck on Africa. Maybe she shouldn't be making decisions right now, maybe the right things to do were the exact opposite of what she was doing. Right or wrong, stuck or not, she'd somehow changed her mind somewhere between the phone call's end and her exit to the freeway. All she could think about was the last time she felt safe and how she wanted to be there again.

So, here she was, lurking in the corridor of Callie's apartment complex, waiting to know or maybe waiting to see. Was it everything she remembered? Had she painted an impossible image in her mind that Callie could never live up to? Her mind told her to leave before they bumped in to each other because all she had was a mental image of what she wanted, Arizona had no idea how to express herself. She wanted the right words, not an _I'm sorry_ or an _I love you_, or a promise never to leave again.

But every time she thought about what to say it all came in pictures, just silly little still image memories of everything she loved. Callie, with her long dark hair and big chocolate eyes made everything else seem trivial. Her eyes sprung open as she heard a door opening. She looked up to see Mark leaving Callie's apartment. He looked sweaty and a little exhausted. What had he been doing in there? She had no right to ask, but it didn't stop her from wondering. Arizona was so preoccupied with thinking to herself, she hadn't noticed that Mark was making direct eye contact with her.

He thought about saying something, but instead shook his head and walked away back to his own apartment. What was she doing there?

Well, it seemed now she was walking, not toward the elevator, no she was walking toward her door. Could she actually do it? Could she motivate herself to do this thing she told herself she had no right to do? The answer came sooner than she thought as she felt her knuckles, shaking with nervousness, tapping against the door.

A short pause followed, then a voice, a very familiar voice.

"Mark I told you I'm not moving another piece of furniture." She called out from behind the door. "I don't care how uneven…" her voice broke off as the door swung open. For a while they just stood there staring at each other. Malawi had given Arizona's skin a sort of tan complexion that Callie wasn't expecting. Her recovery was quick and she subsequently invited the other woman in. Arizona on the other hand was still in a trance. It was only her hair, but for some reason, the sight of Callie's new hair shattered every image she'd been holding on to over the past month. It felt like she'd cut her off.

Callie was first to speak. "I heard about Malawi, I'm sorry."

Arizona knew she had to say something, but she couldn't figure out what. What was it she meant to say, she needed words, action words, words that meant something.

"We don't have to…" Callie began, but was quickly cut off by a sudden spurt from Arizona

"Marry me!" Arizona exclaimed. She was happy she'd finally gotten it out. It was just two words, but they were exactly what she wanted to say and she didn't care who tried to talk her out of it. It was always there in her mind and she'd spent the past few months trying to convince herself not to want it, but now, after having to walk away from children she so desperately wanted to help, after having to stifle her emotions for the sake of public image, this time she wasn't going to walk away without saying exactly what she wanted to say.

"Arizona, no." Callie was calm; this was her attempt at being rational. "This is your pain talking, you don't want to do this."

"I do though" Arizona assured her. She'd been standing, but had now taken Callie by the hand.

"Will you marry me?" She repeated in as sincere a tone as she could muster without pleading.

Callie didn't know what to do, it felt so reminiscent of George's proposal and that frightened her to no end, but it also felt very real and very honest. It gave her a sense of hope she was afraid to hold on to.

"We can't, Arizona. We just can't!" Callie pleaded hoping for a little understanding.

Arizona took in a long breath "We'll go to Canada, or Connecticut, or some other state where it's legal…"

"I'm not…I can't do another quickie wedding. We are both hurt and we shouldn't be covering that with a momentary piece of happy."

If Callie really wanted her gone she would have asked her to leave, she would have let go of her hand. Instead she held on loosely, lingering just enough to give Arizona the idea that she hadn't completely lost her mind.

"I've had way too many reasons not to fight for what I want lately; I need you. It's selfish, I know how incredibly selfish this is, and I don't care because I need you. If you cut your hair, if you sleep with other people, I will still love you and I will still need you. So, I am asking you to marry me."

Callie could see that Arizona wasn't going to budge, she'd been in this situation enough times to know that behind those beautiful eyes and tender smile, there was a strong willed and hard headed woman too stuck in her ways to see when being right wasn't the point.

"I am not your consolation prize! You couldn't have Malawi, so now you want to marry me so you can be happy? What about me, what about what makes me happy?"

Finally letting go of Callie's hand, Arizona dropped her head in disappointment. She'd said all the right words, she'd done everything precisely as she'd envisioned she would, yet for some reason she wasn't getting the expected result. She ran her fingers through her hair, a sure sign that she was about to say something regrettable.

"What about Mark? Does he make you happy? Cause he's been making you happy, right?"

She could sense a fire brewing inside Callie that was only being mildly tempered by Callie's determination not to add salt to the giant Malawi sized wound everyone knew Arizona was carrying around. She watched as her newly styled locks flew up in random directions guided by the long huff of frustrated air Callie had released.

"look, you're hurt and you're trying to hurt me back. I get it, I really do. But I'm telling you, this is not what you need. You should get some sleep and think about things; it'll be better in the morning. We'll see each other tomorrow, and maybe we can work on being friends."

Callie knew she didn't want to be Arizona's friend, not after everything they'd had together. She wanted everything or nothing, but she didn't want it if it came wrapped in a fragile and badly beaten package. She wanted Arizona to see that, but it was Arizona and Arizona never really saw anything else when she wanted something. She'd just run full speed ahead bulldozing anything that stood in her way.

Arizona edged her way closer to Callie, close enough for her to feel Callie breathing then caught her off guard and kissed her sweetly, just long enough for her to remember it.

"We're not friends." She said as she released Callie's lips. "I have enough of those."

Before Callie could respond Arizona turned on her heals and walked out, satisfied that she'd left a lasting impression. She realized that whatever image she had stored away in her mind, Callie didn't share it.


	3. Selfishness

She'd been standing by the nurse's station waiting for her lab tech to hand her the films for an appendectomy that was scheduled for later in the afternoon. To say the transition was normal would have been an overstatement. The very fact that Arizona was waiting for films felt strange to her. The few times she had an opportunity to operate in Malawi she went in blind essentially. She felt like films and all the other modern technological advances afforded to her by the opulence of Seattle Grace/Mercy West were luxuries she, and all the other doctors there, did not entirely deserve. She thought about all the children that could have been helped using the money they'd so lavishly expunged themselves of for the Devinci. Children were needlessly dying and here she was loitering by the nurse's station, waiting for films and doing nothing.

She'd decided to make today all about the work. No celebrations of her return, no catching up on hospital gossip, no listening to the countless stream of people ready to tell her how to win Callie back, just work; she needed the first day to be easy-in and easy-out. Lucky for her Alex Karev was more than understanding. She worried he might chew her out for leaving him without a mentor, but was surprised at his rather lackluster response to her return. As she sat in the attending lounge reviewing the films for the appendectomy Alex popped his head in, peered around for a second then declared.

"Hey, I hope you got something better than appys today, I've been doing those in my sleep."

She tried to be as eager as he was, but her mind was elsewhere. Arizona felt like she'd been living the past few days outside of herself, just watching her life unfold and feeling as though the entire experience was foreign to her. She rested her chin in her palm, trying in earnest to think of something for Karev to busy himself with.

"I've got a 12 year old with weight induced hypertension and diabetes coming in for bypass surgery..."

"Sweet" Alex proclaimed in typical fashion.

"They won't be here till tomorrow though, so you're stuck with an appy today." Arizona fished, still feeling out of it. She hardly even noticed when Alex slipped back out of the room. When someone touched her on the shoulder she assumed it was Alex, but was surprised to look up and see Teddy sitting down next to her.

"Torres has a double floating shoulder in OR 4, you wanna go look at Stretch Armstrong before she glues him back together." Teddy demanded with little formality to the question. Arizona had already told her she didn't want to talk about Callie at work today, but Teddy figured she could get around that little stipulation by talking about a rare surgery that just happened to be in Callie's OR. Arizona wasn't going to fall for it though. She packed her files back into the patient folder and headed for the door. However, she hadn't counted on Teddy's quick foot work to keep her trapped in the room.

"It's not like you have to say anything, you just show up in the gallery. She sees your face, you see hers and she knows you still care…she kind of got the impression you were heartless and over her."

Teddy playing mediator was nice and usually would have made Arizona smile, but after the other night the last thing she needed was a reminder of where she stood with Callie.

"She's seen my face plenty, she knows where I stand." Arizona was calm and sure of herself, which only made Teddy even more suspicious.

"You pulled a Titanic on her in the middle of the airport, except instead of falling to the bottom of the ocean never to be seen again, you came back. I highly doubt she knows where you stand."

"I asked her to marry me" Arizona finally admitted. "I showed up to her apartment yesterday and asked her to marry me." She watched as Teddy's face contorted into a series of awkward positions. First there was the incredulous pose which made her forehead wrinkle and her nose scrunch up as if trying to evade her top lip. Then there was the long blank stare that seemed to go on forever as the realization of truth dawned on her. Finally a smile began to form across her face; naturally she assumed the proposal had a positive result. Callie was, after all madly in love with Arizona.

"She said no, okay, are we done talking now?"

Teddy had more to say, but she knew she needed to back off and give Arizona some space to process everything.

"I just went on a date with my aunt's nephew and I sort of feel like even though we're not in the same gene pool, I've crossed an ethical line." Teddy blurted in an attempt to alleviate some of the tension.

"Was he cute? It doesn't count if they're cute."

"Oh my god, he was."

They both walked out of the lounge and went their separate ways. So, she wasn't going to have the easy day she'd planned for. At the very least she could have one day of not having to deal with the fall out from the Carter-Madison mess. They were the whole reason she'd felt so motivated to find Callie the other day. That phone call that went so horribly wrong was still on her mind. Arizona hoped beyond reason that she could avoid them at least for today. She thought back to her phone ringing and her trepidation when she read the name on the caller ID.

"Hello, Dr. Robbins? This is Virginia Lions with the Carter Madison Foundation."

"Yes?" Arizona had been expecting them to call, but she didn't think it would happen so quickly.

"I hope you've had some time to settle in since we last spoke" Virginia always felt it mandatory to exchange pleasantries it helped to defuse potentially hostile situations, or so she thought.

"Ms. Lions, was there something you wanted to tell me."

"Yes, Dr. Robbins we at the foundation were very inspired by the work proposed in your grant. We've elected to have you resubmit the proposal with adaptations to suit a more politically friendly environment." Virginia waited for a response from Arizona, but when the line remained silent, save for the electronic hum that told her the call was still active, she picked back up speaking as if nothing was wrong.

"We've also scheduled a few public speaking engagements for you. These are meant to refocus the public's attention on the important issues. There've been so many distractions in the press lately, it'd be nice to get back to talking about the medicine."

Arizona really didn't know what to say, she was too angry with the foundation and the position, or lack thereof, they'd taken on the Malawi issue. Malawi wasn't Malawi to them, it was simply a noun, a noun that could easily be replaced by any other noun as if they'd been playing a game of Mad-Libs. Malawi was a distraction and Arizona was clearly the pawn they were using to avert attention from the egregious diversion that Malawi had become.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do any public speaking." Arizona finally spoke up.

"Well, I do understand your position, but I have to tell you I'd strongly advise against making that decision." Virginia was quick to counter Arizona's audible hostility with calm rationality.

"If you put another camera in front of me the first thing I'll say is that your foundation is attempting to trap me into accepting a grant I have openly and repeatedly rejected. How's that for a distraction?"

Arizona wanted to cry, but she was too conflicted with a mix of emotions to even know how to begin expressing them.

"Dr. Robbins" Virginia calmly began, "personally, I would like to see things go well for you. You should know that the foundation is considering legal action if you do not cooperate…"

Arizona wasn't sure how that sentence ended, she'd hung up before Virginia could finish. All she'd wanted to do was be the person she was raised to be. She wanted to use her talents in a selfless purpose, to do something that would contribute to the world at large. She never thought that in her effort to do that, she'd get tangled up in politics and public image debates, that wasn't her concern. Arizona had been around a throng of authorities determined to convince her that her selflessness was a selfish act. She felt her grasp on the truth was slipping away. She tried to tell herself to stay away, but after that phone call she just needed to be with the one person that could give her something she wanted. Maybe it was because of Africa, maybe it was because Callie was Callie, maybe it was a little bit of both, either way Arizona knew she needed Callie and she didn't care what it meant.

She was finishing her rounds and heading in to the appy with Alex when her phone started vibrating. Surgeons don't usually answer calls right before surgery, but given recent events she was more than happy to ignore the vibrations.

Their patient, Kayla, was a nine year old girl with a pretty severally inflamed appendix. She squirmed and thrashed about the gurney as Alex wheeled her in to the OR.

"I thought the parent's came in earlier, how'd it get this bad?" Arizona questioned.

"It's Stark!" Alex insisted

"Geez, Karev. It's bad, but I wouldn't be so dramatic."

"No, Stark, the idiot attending that took your cases when you left. He thinks every kid with stomach pain has gas." Alex clarified.

Arizona couldn't even touch Kayla to mark her incision point without the poor girl jerking upward and screaming in pain.

"Someone page Dr. Gordon, tell him we need something stronger than local anesthetic." Arizona calmly, but authoritatively announced. She may have felt like she still belonged in Malawi, but Kayla's loud screaming was snapping her back to reality. After they were able to get Kayla to sleep, the surgery went smoothly. Karev was really shaping up as a pediatric specialist, and Arizona could tell he literally had been doing appys in his sleep. He moved seamlessly and without hesitation anticipating any and all possible outcomes. She left the surgery happy that she'd had some part in shaping Karev's surgical skills. She was in fact, so happy she completely forgot about her phone ringing just before the surgery. When she saw she had one missed call she automatically clicked through to voicemail and just as quickly wished she hadn't.

She knew automatically who had given out her personal number, but it didn't stop her from wondering how a person could call a total stranger and make such outlandish demands.

"Hello Dr. Robbins, this is Dr. Charles Reed with St. Rita's Medical. I'm also co-president of the AAGMP. We were hoping to meet with you to discuss some alternatives to what you may be considering with the Carter-Madison foundation. We hope to be able to speak with you soon."

They weren't messing around the Carter-Madison foundation had slipped her number to the AAGMP, the freaking American Association of Gay Medical Professionals. They couldn't get her to cooperate and now they were going to try and bully her into compliance by making her feel like a bad lesbian. That happy feeling she hadn't felt in a while quickly dissipated as she clutched the phone in her grip trying in vain to calm herself down. She let her hair out of the loose pony she'd pulled it in before the surgery, she needed to release some of the tension she was feeling. Without thinking she hurled her phone toward the wall and watched as it clattered to the floor scattered and in pieces.

"Well, that's one way of handling things" She heard Bailey call out from behind her. "And no, I am not in the mood to hear about your personal problems. I have problems of my own, but if you ask me, you're both being silly" Bailey finished before marching out of the room shaking her head in disbelief. She was on the precipice of an exit when she heard Arizona's cracked voice call out.

"I don't" Arizona began, "I don't know if I made a mistake. I think I did; I should have fought harder to stay. It was what I wanted, but it felt like the wrong thing."

"You talking about Malawi?" Bailey asked, puzzled by the ambiguity of Arizona's statements.

"I don't know." Arizona admitted.

"Well, maybe you should find out." Bailey reasoned before finally leaving the lounge.

XXX

Callie had planned on sleeping in after pulling 14 straight hours in the hospital. She was starting to get used to the new bed Cristina had helped her pick out. When she finally got rid of the subletter in her apartment, she realized she'd soon have to go back to sleeping in the bed she'd shared with Arizona, the thought of doing that made her miserable and in a moment of commissary she and Cristina donated the bed to a homeless shelter and ran out to the mall to find a new one. She put her key in the lock and opened the door completely ready to crash on the first soft surface she found. But before she could do any of that she had to address what she saw right in front of her. Arizona was lying on the sofa, still dressed in the clothes she'd worn to work. Callie wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping there, but the sound of the door opening had startled her awake. Callie stood with her mouth agape, trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"I, I couldn't sleep last night and I thought if I came here I might be able to. But , I guess that's stupid and I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It was evident to Callie that Arizona was close to having a massive freak out, she wanted to try and calm her down, but Arizona was now up and nervously pacing around.

"I shouldn't have come here, it's just, you said we could be friends and I still have a key. I, I'm sorry."

Deciding that she probably wasn't going to be able to get a word in, Callie reached out and pulled Arizona into a hug. She held her closely until she felt her begin to calm down.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." Callie kept repeating it, hoping that Arizona would eventually believe it. "you can sleep here any time you want."

It was hard for Callie to maintain a respectful distance with Arizona pressed up against her, but every time she tried to pull away Arizona roped her in closer.

"Can't you just hold me, as my friend?" Arizona begged.

Callie was reluctant to even try letting go after that, she'd never seen Arizona like this, but she knew not to push too much. As much as she wanted Arizona to tell her what was going on, she knew Arizona and Arizona didn't talk about her problems. So, they fell into a comfortable position on the sofa with Arizona curled up in Callie's arms seeming to have drifted off back to sleep.

"Why don't you want to marry me?" Callie heard Arizona murmur. She couldn't tell if she was asleep or awake, but she decided to assume she was asleep and avoid answering the question.


	4. Safety

Arizona had been blissfully caught up in a dream for what seemed like an eternity. She and Callie were lounging in the back yard of a grand cottage style home that was strategically placed on a one and half acre lot. She was reading the day's paper and watching the ducks swimming in and out of their pond. They had a pond, and it was just big enough for the small row boat she'd begged Callie to let her have. Callie was lazily playing fetch with the dog while occasionally reaching over to stroke Arizona's back. Her hair aglow with sunlight, Arizona couldn't resist the urge to reach out and run her fingers through it. She wanted to feel the soft silken strands running through her fingers, but each time she reached, there was nothing there to hold.

Callie watched as Arizona stirred in her sleep. She was so cute, like an infant drowsily reaching for a pacifier they'd lost in the night. Callie had never seen her this vulnerable, it scared her beyond belief. Something about the night they'd had caused a sudden realization in Callie. She now knew for a fact that no one would ever be as good as Arizona for her, even if they never got back together, she was never going to be over Arizona. So, she woke up early and made a small breakfast; it was time for them to have a talk.

Arizona was growing restless, her dream had turned out to be a frustrating nightmare. The more she reached, the further away Callie seemed.

"Callie?" she called out, but did not receive a response.

"Calliope?" She tried again, with no better results.

It was quite a mind altering experience to be sitting right next to her, so close she could smell the sweetness of her perfume, and yet be unable to touch her, to hear her voice.

"Callie!" She cried in a panic.

Callie was jolted out of her cooking craze by the sound of Arizona's voice. Immediately, she left what she was doing and went to the sofa where Arizona's stirring had turned into tossing and turning. She shook her just lightly enough to wake her up.

"Hey," Callie greeted Arizona with a smile. "You had a bad dream."

For some reason that was beyond her, Arizona was suddenly upset; it wasn't Callie's fault but she hated people seeing her this exposed, especially Callie.

"Where were you?" The words rolled off a bit harsher than Arizona intended.

"I didn't want to wake you I…" Callie tried to reach for Arizona's hand but was quickly shut down.

"You were going to sneak out? Were you just about to write some stupid note so when I wake up hoping to see you, instead I get some stupid words on a page?"

Callie was stupefied; she had no idea what to say, or what she did to elicit the vitriol Arizona was spewing in her direction. She told herself it was Arizona projecting her insecurities, it made it a little easier to push past the hurt feelings and focus on what needed to be done.

"I made breakfast, that's why I got up before you. You should stay, we need to talk."

Right now, in this moment, Arizona hated herself. She hated hurting Callie and she hated being shown just how paranoid she could be, but worse than both those things she hated that she couldn't just let Callie be right. Whenever she felt most vulnerable, Arizona always reverted to doing something completely stupid in order to make herself feel like she'd somehow regained control of the situation.

"I don't want to talk; I have to get to work." She announced as she pulled herself up from the sofa.

"Arizona," Callie pleaded "stay." But it was no use, Arizona was already half way out the door.

Arizona turned to hold Callie's gaze one more time "this was a mistake, it won't happen again." Then, like before, she was gone and Callie was left to wonder what went wrong.

Callie came in to work intent on finding something to busy herself with. She'd left for work about an hour after Arizona, but the last thing she wanted to do was run in to her during the work day. After what had just happened she just preferred that they stay away from each other for a while. She wanted to say it was what was best for both of them, but the truth was she couldn't handle being hurt again. Arizona seemed to know just how to hurt her though, and Callie was just getting over the sting of the last time. She tried to be understanding, she'd cut Arizona some slack because of everything that'd happened with Malawi, but her patience was wearing thin.

She was just coming out of the supply room when Mark grabbed her and pulled her back in.

"Hey, Dr. Choux, what do you think of him?" Mark demanded without missing a beat.

"His work is decent and his patients love him…but he pales in comparison to you." Callie quickly adjusted though she was still a bit startled.

Mark hesitated a while, just long enough for Callie to know he was up to something.

"What do you want Mark?"

"I may have suggested I could get him your number." Mark finally admitted.

Callie was amused, until she realized Mark was telling the truth, then she was confused and a little angry. Still, she knew it had to be for a good reason so she indulged him just for a little while more.

"He just got awarded the Dandridge Progressive Prize so he's looking for a research partner and he said…"

Mark had been trying to get in on something major in plastics for a while now and Callie knew it. She saw the excitement and hope growing in his face and the last thing she wanted to do was take it away from him.

"Fine, do not give him my number, but you can tell him I'll meet him at Joe's after my shift."

"Thank you!" Mark sighed in relief as he pulled Callie into a hug. "you're the best."

Arizona was working with Cristina on a twelve year old with an irregular heart rhythm. The plan was to insert a pacer and follow up until they'd found the right pace rate to normalize his heart rhythm. Teddy was consulting, but she wanted Cristina to lead which was a bit of an adjustment for Arizona, the two of them weren't exactly chummy.

"Dr. Yang, would you mind?" Arizona stated while going back and forth between eying Cristina and motioning toward the patient.

"You know what, you'd probably be better at it." Cristina insisted.

"Well, since Dr. Yang isn't in to it, Toney I am going to tell you a little bit about your surgery today and then if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

"Cool." That was as complete a response as Arizona could hope to get from a twelve year old who spent more time playing video games than he did sleeping.

"We are going to make a small incision in your chest, like a little coin slot. Then we'll insert the pace maker and use a robot to secure it. After we've set the test rhythm Dr. Yang and I will monitor you until you've reached stability. Any questions?"

Toney's eyes scanned the room with mock confidence. "So, I'm gonna get treated by all three of you?"

"No," Arizona corrected "Dr. Altman is just here to consult, she won't be part of the operation.

"Any of you single?" Toney suddenly blurted. "I may be young but I'm wise beyond my years"

Teddy and Arizona couldn't help giggling at the young man's confidence. Cristina was too busy rolling her eyes to bother caring.

"Dr. Altman is very, very single!" Arizona teased. Then she leaned in to pretend she was whispering, "and I hear she's a huge Madden fan."

"Oh, no Toney, you would have a much better shot with the equally single and much more entertaining Dr. Robbins" Teddy shot back, "She's a closet HP fan."

They teased Toney a bit more before leaving to prep the OR. She tried to hide it, but it was obvious Teddy's words had thrown Arizona off center. She kept telling herself it was just a joke, but the more she thought about it the more she realized it wasn't a joke, it was true. She was just as single as Teddy. The only problem was, she could still feel that piece of Callie's heart she'd so callously neglected hanging on to her like a leach. She wished every day while she was in Malawi that she'd finally be rid of it. She had no right to that responsibility after everything she'd done. Still, no matter what anyone said, she wasn't single; she could never be single. Not when her heart was so impossibly attached to someone else's.

She suddenly had the urge to find Callie and apologize. She'd made a mistake and she wanted to make it right. Even if all they ever were was friends, she needed Callie in her life.

It was a twenty minute surgery, or at least it should have been. Except that the minute Cristina placed the battery in the pacer the machine surged sending Toney's heart into overload and shocking the poor boy out of anesthesia.

"What the hell happened?" Teddy demanded as she jumped over to the operating table.

"I don't know, it wasn't supposed to be on, it wasn't supposed to be on" Cristina emphatically repeated.

Teddy worked swiftly to try and get Toney's heart rate to stabilize.

"don't bother, the battery surged the pacer's malfunctioned. We're going to have to close him up and try again later."

It sucked, but that's all there was to it. The thing that was meant to calm Toney down ended up sending his heart into a panic and it was too risky to try putting it back in. They'd wait till a new pacer came in and Toney was stable enough for surgery. Arizona didn't have time to be upset about the surgery. As soon as she scrubbed out, the chief called her into his office.

The chief sat behind his desk tapping his fingers against the dark stained wood surface. He tried to choose his words carefully so as not to elicit the wrong reaction from Dr. Robbins, but there was no right way to say what he had to say.

"Dr. Robbins, I realize this must be a very difficult time for you."

That sentence had been playing on repeat for the past couple weeks now and Arizona was tired of hearing it. It always meant something related to the Carter-Madison situation.

"Well, Dr. Robbins I have no right to be asking this of you, but it would be a great relief to the hospital if your situation with the Carter-Madison Foundation was resolved amicably." He waited to observe Arizona's reaction, but there wasn't much of one.

"We just can't afford any more bad press." He finished.

Arizona sighed with resignation. She was just tired at this point. She didn't have it in her any more to keep fighting something that was so much bigger than her. She had come to the realization that as much as she wanted Malawi, Malawi didn't want her. It was time to let it go, she was fighting a losing war, and worst of all she'd been fighting it alone.

"Sir, you're right" she declared while getting up from her seat, "you had no right to ask."

It had been a long day, but Callie was finally heading out. She'd planned on heading home and crashing on her bed. But just as she was getting on the elevator someone jumped inside with her. After she recovered from the sudden startle she looked up to see Dr. Choux greeting her.

"Shoot!" she exclaimed. "I mean no offense, but I completely forgot about you."

"It's okay, I get it. It's a long day." He flashed her a flirtatious smile that totally melted Callie, not in a romantic way, but in the way she would feel about a lost puppy.

"I guess I could do one drink" she relented.

"One drink is perfect!" Dr. Choux enthused. "I'm Phillip by the way, I figure we should at least know what to call each other."

Mark was really going to owe her big time for this. But, at least he wasn't hard to look at. Callie watched as the elevator doors opened up to the first floor main entrance she saw Phillip walking out ahead of her, but she stood petrified just outside of the elevator. Arizona stood adjacent to the entrance as if she'd been waiting there a while. They weren't together, everyone knew they weren't together, but for some reason Callie felt an incredible guilt eating away at her. Phillip stopped in front of the doors looking straight ahead at Callie, then at Arizona.

"I'll meet you outside Callie?" he proposed.

A look of gratitude swept over Callie as she found herself transfixed on Arizona who'd been standing there silently, practically undressing Callie with her eyes. "I'll just be a minute" Callie insisted.

Arizona waited for Dr. Choux to be safely out of ear shot before walking her way over to Callie still peering as intensely as before.

"I'm sorry." She said it more as a throw away, even though she meant it there were other things on her mind.

"That's it?" Callie started to say, but suddenly changed her mind. "you know what, we're not together. I don't have to put up with this."

Arizona inched her way closer until the space between them was uncomfortably nonexistent. She leaned in so that her lips were just brushing against Callie's ear. She placed a hand against Callie's chest. She could feel her heart running circles around itself.

"I left, because I can't be your friend, and I can't watch you date other people and pretend not to be bothered. You keep giving me pieces of you and I get why, but I want all of you, every last drop. I don't make you feel safe, but I know you want me too cause I send your heart racing out of control like it's going to beat out of your chest. I highly doubt your date is going to make you feel like that."

It took an incredible amount of resolve for them to be that close to each other without doing anything.

"You can't do this to me" Callie pleaded.

"I'm already doing it, it's no different than what you do to me every day without even trying."

Callie breathed in deeply, she couldn't take much more. "you never even said you were sorry."

There was a thin film of sweat covering her body now and Arizona found it incredibly alluring. Callie tried hopelessly to calm her nerves, but Arizona was unrelenting.

"I'm not sorry I went to Malawi, I'm not. You have injected yourself into my life and changed me, you make it impossible to be without you. But, I never would have figured that out if I hadn't left in the first place."

Arizona slipped her hand down Callie's side and felt her shiver at the touch. It had been so long since she'd gotten this close to Callie, the reaction surprised her. Callie grazed her lips over Arizona's but was quickly shut down.

"You should go, go on your date and feel safe. Let me know when you're ready to feel something better."

With that she finally stepped aside and watched as Callie gathered her composure before stumbling out the door and into the parking lot


	5. Focus

**AN:** There are some French portions in this chapter, just know that the only important thing is the reporter is asking rude questions, but Arizona handles her rather well. Also, sorry for the lack of warning, but this is the last chapter. I hope you've enjoyed the story and leave your thoughts for me, thanks for reading and being so patient.

**AN**: Thanks to LGN for helping fix some of the French dialog. Also, here is a rough translation for that portion.

Arizona: I don't need a translation, I can respond in French if you'd like.

Susanne: Yes thank you! Is your girlfriend also a doctor?

Arizona: What are you asking me? Do you have questions about Malawi or not?

Susanne: Yes, but you've already answered them from other reporters. Besides everyone already knows that you left Malawi because of your…

Arizona: No, everyone knows nothing. It's not leaving when the government tells you you're no longer welcome.

Susanne: Before you boarded the plane for Malawi did you know they had these laws about sexuality?

Arizona: Sure, it's possible to find plenty of other ways we could have better spent three years, but that's not our reality. Right now we have to work with what we've been given. So, as I've said I think that we have responded well.

* * *

><p>Arizona stood at the podium rehearsing the statement she'd prepared and gone over with the Carter-Madison committee. She didn't think a press junket was necessary but Virginia had insisted that it was needed to dispel any rumors of homophobia on the part of the committee. The chief was gracious enough to set aside the hospital auditorium for this grand spectacle. No one had arrived just yet and Arizona had all the time in the world to look out at the sea of empty seats contemplating who would be filling them. Would there be any familiar faces? She highly doubted it. People tend not to want to hang around the girl whose life is falling apart.<p>

The podium seemed much larger from the speaker's perspective than it ever seemed when she was seated in the theater as an audience member. She was, however, unimpressed by her surroundings. She'd had enough of being intimidated by things that were beyond her control. The situation with Carter Madison taught her that she was ultimately responsible for her own happiness. Arizona had already allowed herself to be talked out of Malawi and even though they'd reached some semblance of a compromise, she told herself she'd never allow anyone to talk her into settling for this much dissatisfaction again. She checked her reflection in the lens of a nearby overhead projector then went back to adjust the podium's microphone. This was it, no more postponing; no more posturing; no more practice. She knew she was ready for all of it: the intrusive questions, the flashing lights, the carefully worded answers, even the bold statements laced with thinly veiled insults.

The auditorium seemed to fill up all at once. First it was the various news crews, mostly from academic journals, and their lighting equipment. Then there were various hospital professionals from all the area hospitals meandering in early to get the good seats. Arizona couldn't imagine why so many doctors would skip their lunch break to come and watch her be skewered. She thought back to Malawi and tried to imagine the reaction she might get from the doctors at the center in Malawi if she suggested skipping lunch for any reason at all. To them every meal was treated with respect because most of them knew how lucky they were to be able to eat daily. Nonetheless, this was her current environment, a room full of judgmental colleagues who didn't even work at the hospital seated and ready to provide their unsolicited opinions.

The cameramen began taking test shots and reporters set up their microphones so that now the podium looked like a display stand for cake-pops like the one's at Starbucks. Another random flash of lights went straight into her eyes temporarily blinding her. When Arizona regained her vision she spotted a woman of markedly small stature approaching her. She was older with a sense of sophistication about her. Arizona listened for the click-clack of the other woman's heels as she came ever closer to the stage. One look at the impossibly large, yet seemingly false smile plastered on her face clued Arizona in to who she was about to meet.

"Hello Dr. Robins, I'm Virginia Lions. It's so nice to finally meet you" she introduced herself while reaching up to shake Arizona's hand. "I do wish we had more time to talk, but it looks like we'll be underway shortly. Is there anything I can assist you with?"

Arizona shook her head, a silent refusal of any further involvement with the foundation, especially Virginia. Seeming satisfied, Virginia turned to walk off. As she did this Arizona began to wonder who else from the foundation might be in attendance.

"Wait, are any of the board members here?"

Virginia turned back to face Arizona smiling more sincerely this time she shook her head no. "It's just me, I actually took a few personal days to come out here. we may be well traveled, but we've never seen the space needle."

If it hadn't been for a sudden slammed door Arizona probably would have questioned Veronica's use of plural pronouns. Just then Arizona looked up to see Alex and Teddy trying to quietly make their way to a pair of seats in the back row. She told herself not to get emotional but it was a happy surprise to see some familiar faces, even if neither was the one face she was hoping for. Richard stepped up to the stage and approached the podium.

"Hello everyone, thank you for attending this conference concerning Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital and the recent situation surrounding the Carter-Madison grant" he announced in his best neutral tone. "If everyone is ready, we'll get started. Dr. Robins will read a short statement, and then we'll open up to questions. We do ask that you remain respectful and on topic."

Richard motioned for Arizona to approach the podium to read her statement. It was just about one page double spaced in Times New Roman and she'd already committed it to memory. The statement itself was already robotic enough, she didn't want to further the coldness of it by looking down at a piece of paper.

"When I left for Malawi" she began "my hopes were high. I, along with the Carter Madison foundation were hopeful we'd be able to improve the quality of life for hundreds of children in need of extensive medical services. Unfortunately, circumstances beyond our control have temporarily deterred us from that goal."

Arizona paused, despite having committed the speech to memory; she was having some unexpected emotional difficulty getting through it. She looked into the front row and noticed Veronica sitting with one hand comfortably rested in the lap of a taller red headed woman. They looked to be familiar with each other the way a couple that's been together for many years might be. Was this the "we" she was referring to? Arizona thought about how many opportunities Veronica had to relate to her or share her story. Why hadn't she? Arizona couldn't imagine loving someone that much and hiding it. She wished more than anything she could see Callie somewhere out there, but she knew Callie had a busy schedule today, at least that's what she told herself to get the thought out of her head.

"Thankfully" Arizona finally continued "Through the help of various board members both at this hospital and with Carter Madison, we've been able to work out what we think is the best possible alternative. Those most critical cases at our facility in Malawi will be flown in to receive treatment at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. Through these efforts we hope to still be able to leave a lasting impact in Malawi and set a global example of excellence in pediatric care."

Those weren't the last words on the page, but Arizona decided that would be the end of her speech. No one was really listening anyway, well except for Teddy who stood and applauded even though no one else joined her.

[brk/]

Callie had been speeding through her surgeries, not sloppily of course, but still she was going as quickly as possible. If there was a conveniently open OR before the scheduled time of a surgery she was the first to hop on it today. She had a lot on her plate, but she was determined to catch Arizona's press conference.

"How am I doing Yang?" she called out to Cristina before wrapping her legs around a patient's thigh and snapping his leg back into place.

"thirty five minutes ahead of schedule" Cristina called out.

"perfect" Callie exhaled.

Cristina rolled her eyes in exhaustion, Callie being pressed for time meant she wasn't allowing anyone to touch anything. Cristina was eager to get her hands on at least one of Callie's cases to add some diversity to her case load. It was becoming abundantly clear though that today wasn't the day for that. She'd been relegated to stopwatch duty.

"All this for someone who dumped you in an airport." She sighed

"Yeah, thanks for the reminder, just watch the clock and keep me on time." Callie instructed.

Cristina was on a roll though, she couldn't get over Callie's sudden change in behavior.

"I'm just saying, look at you! You are hot, you're a surgical badass, we are surgical badasses! You don't have to beg anyone for anything. Why should you? If it was me there wouldn't even be an airport."

Callie could see that Cristina wasn't taking the hint to stay out of her personal life.

"Things are different when you love someone. Sometimes you give up little pieces of individuality cause…I don't know just because you've finally found someone worth waking up to in the morning." She said this while poking at her patients nerve endings to make sure they were still active.

"How much time Yang?" Callie called out again.

"Thirty three minutes ahead" Cristina droned.

Upon realizing that she'd lost two minutes Callie dropped her head in defeat. She still had another surgery to go and was starting to feel as though she may never get there. Did Arizona really need to see her though? Callie knew Arizona was strong enough to get through the conference without her, but she couldn't help thinking of that conference in France and how broken and alone Arizona seemed afterward. She just wanted Arizona to be able to see her face and know that she really wasn't alone afterall. After closing the patient Cristina and Callie marched off to the locker room to change scrubs. Cristina was rambling on about something which Callie knew because she saw her lips moving, but she really couldn't make out what all was being said. Her mind was trained on the conference she was missing and what Arizona might be feeling. She was running through scenarios in her head trying to come up with a possible fix to a seemingly unfixable situation. They stood in the middle of the locker room with Cristina still rambling and Callie looking blankly into an empty space.

"Cristina have you ever done a knee replacement before?" Callie finally spoke up. She didn't have to wait long for an answer either.

"Of course I've done a knee replacement; I was doing knee replacements as an intern. You…"

Callie broke eye contact with Cristina to open her locker at which point she found herself stuck staring into a seemingly empty space once again. Everything she was thinking of went out the window as she just stood there in complete confusion trying to understand what it was she was seeing. At some point Cristina's curiosity got the better of her and she came over to see what had Callie so shaken all of the sudden.

Peering into the locker Cristina finally understood what was going on. She too was at a loss for words and could only manage to mutter out a soft but still audible

"Well, damn!"

Somewhat out of generosity but mostly for her own personal benefit Cristina pulled Callie away from the locker and insisted that she be allowed to take over Callie's last surgery.

"Dr. Torres, I've done this surgery more times than I can count. Besides if you don't put me in there they are going to let Dr. Shaky-Hands do it. Is that what you want? A patient with a wobbly knee because you gave the surgery to Mr. Magoo?"

Callie was still in a daze, she could do nothing but nod her head in silent agreement before turning to leave the locker room.

[/br]

The lights never stopped flashing and by this point Arizona had already answered seven questions from a seemingly unending line of reporters. The minute she got done with one reporter another had their hand raised. She just kept her eyes on the clock hoping like all hell time would run out before she had to answer another question. She motioned for the next question and a slender woman with dark hair and an olive complexion stepped forward. A rather round man with a note pad and recorder in hand stood next to her.

"Dr. Robbins, Je m'appelle Susanne Lapointe avec du journal Paris" she started. The man next to her then spoke up "Dr. Robbins this is Susanne Lapointe with The Paris Journal." Arizona was already irritated by the translations and they hadn't even gotten to the question yet.

"Je n'ai pas besoin de un traducteur. Je peux répondre en français si vous voulez." Arizona spoke up.

"Oui merci" Susanne continued "Votre amie, elle est médicine aussi?"

Arizona couldn't believe her ears. While most in the audience probably had no idea what was going on here was this woman hiding behind foreign status to ask the most inappropriate question possible.

"Mais, de quoi vous parlez? Avez-vous des questions à propos du Malawi ou non ?"

"Oui, j'en ai , mais vous avez déjà répondu à ces questions avec d'autres. De plus, tout le monde sait que vous avez quitté le Malawi à cause de votre…"

Arizona had to cut her off again

"Non, personne ne sait rien. On s'en va quand le gouvernement dit qu'on ne peut pas rester là"

There were even more lights and a silent pause long enough for Arizona to hear the door creaking open. At this point they couldn't even understand what she was saying. Why would anyone stay when they had no clue what was going on?

"Avant de prendre l'avion pour le Malawi, saviez-vous qu'il y avait des lois là-bas sur la sexualité?"

Once again Arizona was being guided into how this whole situation was actually her own fault. She should have known, she should have done her research; she should have picked a different country, been less open about her love life. She'd heard it all before.

"On aurait pu trouver beaucoup d'autres façons pour utiliser ces trois années, mais ce n'est pas le cas. Nous devons nous contenter de ce que nous avons déjà fait. Comme je l'ai déjà dit, je crois que nous gérons cela très bien"

Arizona looked up again to see Teddy and Alex waiting tentatively for their cue to clap. Every so often she would notice Teddy leaning over to whisper in Alex's ear and she assumed she was translating for him. But this time she noticed Callie sitting just two rows ahead of them staring intensely toward the stage at her. She couldn't help it, Arizona completely lost focus, now all she could see was Callie. They both just remained fixated as if no one else was in the room. Arizona looking into Callie's eyes for confirmation, then Callie just peering into her with stunned amazement. After a while Richard stepped back up to the podium and ended the question session. He then escorted Arizona off the stage. This was not an easy task since many people were pushing and prodding to speak with her privately. But, Richard did a good job of forcing them to keep their distance. Once they reached where Callie was seated Arizona came to a full stop and motioned for the chief to let her go. Callie stood up and tried to force words out of her mouth, but as much as she tried she couldn't seem to verbalize anything.

"You freaking rocked that!" Alex suddenly chimed in, and just like that the moment was gone

He seemed unfazed by the less than enthused expression that greeted him in return. "What? You didn't screw up or suck down like a gallon of water and then do a potty dance so yeah, freakn' awesome!"

Callie gave him a pretty stern evil-eye after that and he quickly made his exit. But not before something caught his eye as he turned to leave. "Dude! " Alex muttered to no one in particular.

Teddy ran up and hugged Arizona like she was a rag doll. "That was so great!" she smiled enthusiastically. Both Callie and Arizona smiled politely and waited for Teddy to excuse herself which actually took quite some time. After Teddy finished singing Arizona's praises Arizona turned her attention back to Callie.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" she was practically guiding Callie out of the auditorium as she asked this. She watched as Callie seemed to be busy processing an internal dialog. She wanted to ask what she was thinking and was she okay, but all she could think about was how pretty Callie looked just out of surgery with her hair slightly tossed. They found an empty break room and walked in locking the door behind them.

The second the door lock clicked closed Callie let loose, everything she'd been holding back just suddenly bubbled up to the surface and broke through whatever dam was keeping her words at bay.

"I don't understand you. I mean I really just do not get how you can be so infuriatingly stubborn all the damn time. I don't know myself anymore when I'm around you and that scares me like crazy because I am a badass. I make building the six million dollar man a reality and you, you ruin me."

Arizona was listening, she was, but she was also watching. She watched as Callie ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation, she watched as she casually stepped closer with every word, then she watched her drop her hands to her side in defeat.

Arizona picked up her left hand and caressed it softly stopping to kiss the ring Callie had placed on her ring finger. It was massive and unmistakable, exactly the way Arizona had pictured it in her head. She might have been bordering on possessive, but she wanted everyone to know that she wasn't going anywhere.

"I love you" she said with a smile before kissing Callie's forehead. Callie then leaned in to wipe the remnants of a tear from Arizona's cheek.

"I love you too" Callie echoed.


End file.
